May 11th, 2010
This video was spotlighted by YouTube today. The Toy Brothers of The Calamari Retribution rap to a vocalized beat. Actually, we’re not quite sure what they’re rapping about, but the video is entertaining nonetheless. Also check out A Ballad for Kimchi by The Calamari Retribution. If you like them, you can get their latest EP on
A Cappella Jam by The Calamari Retribution
Lyrics to A Cappella Jam by The Calamari Retribution
I was just walkin’ to the kitchen for some Raisin Bran,
close the cupboard door, but it slammed on my hand.
I want to cry out, but I gotta be a man,
so I keep it to myself as best as I can.
I turn and try to walk away,
but as I do I hear somebody say,
“You promised me six days from Sunday
you would have the cash to pay.”
And then I remembered the debt
I owed to the man who had no neck.
You see, I took out a loan over the phone
just to buy a ticket to see Star Trek.
T’was a sight to see,
not as good as Serenity,
but anything by Abrams or Joss Whedon seems to satisfy me.
They know how to tell a story,
long-running shows, but they never get boring.
Characters with character
is the deal that sealed it for me.
But I digress,
I was caught in a bit of a mess.
With my spree at the theater
I had a single dollar left.
Now I couldn’t pay him,
might have to delay him,
maybe run away and
never look back.
So the lesson to learn is
only spend what you earned, cause
you don’t want to get burned, kid
And that’s just a fact.
Let me tell you bout what happened to me last week,
it was last week, I got slapped on the left cheek.
I was at the food court eating sushi and french fries,
just like “That Thing You Do”, I could not believe my eyes.
Standing at the ATM over by the bank,
I rubbed my eyes in surprise, was it really T. Hanks?
I said, “Excuse me, I know this may sound ‘Big’,
but could I get your autograph on my domesticated pet pig?”
He looked at me in disgust as I held my domiciliary swine.
He splashed in my face his goblet of red wine.
Retrieving his cash, he turned to me and said,
“You’d have to pay me a fortune just to look at your
half-bred, overfed, belongs between two slices of bread,
wild boar, piece of pork, belongs beneath a fork.
Take your hog outside, you know what, and park it,
before I take that little piggy all the way to the market.”
I said, “T. Hanks! Why you gotta be that way?
Don’t you know today’s International Sign a Pig Day?”
He said, “Yeah, I know. I gotta get outta this place.”
Then he raised his right hand and slapped me in the face.
As you already know, I sit in the back,
keeping quiet to myself with a Big Mac on my lap.
Without a handy dandy geetar where am I at?
I got nothing I’m goin’ crazy, I’m goin’ mad.
What is this? How could it be? Is it really me?
Cause it’s the first, not the second, but the first time,
a rap has flowed from me. Was it really meant to be?
All this time, sittin’ playin’ on the dime.
Going to the library to check out a DVD,
some guy in the corner just sittin’ and starin’ at me.
I said, “What, foo? Why you mean muggin’ me?”
He replied, “Those aren’t free, but don’t you know I have the key?”
I said, “Alright, alright Okay, I see.
But just because you have the key doesn’t mean you can be mean to me!
Look at all the birds in the sky, flyin’ from the tree.”
Then he fell to his knees and he screamed, “Please forgive me!”
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